It should come as no surprise that people in successful relationships share specific commonalities with other happy couples—which is what sets them apart from the not-so-happy duos after all. The interesting aspect about these common qualities is that they’re fairly straightforward and built on basic premises, which seems to take the mystery out of why certain relationships fail. Business Insider recently revealed these key things happy couples share according to renowned relationship expert Esther Perel, and we’re letting you in on some of her best advice for couples below.


They know what to compromise on, and what they should not.  If there is a clash of core values, happy couples find a way to work through areas of excessive compromise as soon as it is voiced. Without an open dialogue, couples who do not find a way to satisfy each other’s needs at the same time, may start to resent having to satisfy the need of the other person while leaving his or her own need unfulfilled—and if a need is an essential part of who a person is, or what they need from the relationship, leaving it neglected will only breed resentment and pain.


They’re affectionate with another. For a good time, call 0800-YOUR-BOO. Some of the most fun things to do as a couple are kissing, holding hands, and having sex.  Not only is physical intimacy an important aspect of a happy couple’s relationship as a way of remaining connected, it is a way they have fun together. Super fun! And if that’s not the case, don’t just push that little issue under the carpet. If the affection isn’t fun, it’s time to have a serious conversation, and maybe call in some professional help.


They never stop learning about one another. Perel reveals that happy couples remain curious about each other, which allows the relationship to grow and thrive. Couples should never assume that they have already learned everything there is to know about their partners, which not only keeps things interesting but also lets both people in the relationship continue to evolve as an individual, as well as the couple as a whole.


They make an effort to plan fun activities together. Sometimes it’s easy to wake up and have the best day ever. But other times it’s necessary to actually plan a day of adventure or a fun evening out — you can’t always expect that that a good time will come knocking of its own accord. We often have a romantic notion of fun — that it will just happen spontaneously if we are with the right person.  And while that’s true some of the time, in a long-term relationship it requires a conscious effort to make fun a priority.  Sure, pizza in front of the TV is totally acceptable, but it’s important to do something together than engages you both.

They know how to bounce back from a disagreement. Here’s the bad news: No matter how much fun you have together, you’re are bound to also have conflict and disagreements. The good news is that you can deal with these spats with grace. The secret is not learning how to avoid these tensions, but rather learning to bounce back from them effectively.

If one is happy, the other is happy. Couples that are able to share a genuine happiness for one another, even if it has nothing to do with them personally, are able to create a healthy and uplifting environment. These couples see their partner’s happiness as their own.
They have a realistic outlook on long-term relationshipsCouples who recognise that the crazy infatuation you experienced when your romance was new won’t last.  A deeper, richer relationship, and one that should still include romance, will replace it.  A long-term relationship has ups and downs, and expecting that your romance will be all sunny and roses all the time is unrealistic.


They keep their individuality. It seems obvious, but your significant other should appreciate you for being you. It’s important that each person holds on to their own passions, pursuits, and hobbies because those are the unique individualities that attracted them to each other in the first place. Happy couples show respect and admiration for the other person as an individual. It’s as simple as that.